My Decision To Move Forward

Last November (2015) we decided we would go ahead and proceed with our first IUI (learn more about IUI's here). We were naive and assumed that making such a big step was bound to grant us guarantee pregnancy. I still remember that December day we got the call. Even thinking about it now puts my stomach in knots. We were a nervous wreck all day long. I had the clinic leave us a voicemail because good or bad... I did not want to take that call at work. I wanted to listen to it with my husband. Unfortunately we got the news that the IUI didn't take. I cried and Tyler held me. Then I got dressed and went to a church activity I was helping with. 

After a few days of crying, praying, coping, I had this overwhelming surge of energy to "keep living". I felt empowered. Empowered to do things I always wanted to do but didn't know how to fit it around family planning. I'm certain I could have asked for anything at that point and Tyler would have super sized it and served it on a silver platter. He felt so terrible about everything and was so sweet. Naturally he was nothing but supportive when I told him my plans. I was going to Guatemala. 
Ever since I was a young teenager I had this strong desire to do a humanitarian trip in a Spanish speaking country (I know specific right?) I had made several attempts to go but I could never quite make it happen. I had been researching organizations for years now and I knew exactly what I was looking for. Since Tyler would be starting a new job (and it would double the cost) he decided to sit this one out. I called up my Mom and Grandma and they both jumped on board! We would leave for GUA in July. At this point Zika was huge concern for pregnant women. We weren't sure if GUA was safe or not from the virus. It was decided that if I became pregnant during that 5 or so months, I would stay behind. I felt like this was a win win for me! If I got pregnant, I got a baby, if I didn't, I'd go to GUA! 

Well, needless to say, we made it on that trip! And it was incredible! I learned so much on this trip. First, I learned how strong I was. That I was capable of making things happen. I could set an (unlikely) goal and accomplish it. Second, I learned the importance of moving forward. Too many times I have missed out on opportunities because I'm waiting for something to fall in place first. Well, I've got news for you... most things are out of your control. It felt so liberating to take control and make this work even though I was terrified for so many reasons. I leaned how brave I could be. I also learned so much about humility and service and love. On top of it all I got to rub shoulders with some incredible people! It was such a wonderful experience and I can't wait to go again!