Dealing with infertility can be difficult to say the least. At times, it may seem that the Universe is mocking you, as you feel constantly reminded that everyone is fertile but you. Unfortunately that empty feeling can bring along depressed thoughts and frustration. It’s easy to feel bitter, angry, and annoyed.
Disclaimer: If you’re at a point where you just want to be/stay mad about things… by all means sister do your thing! Infertility sucks and we’ve all been there! But if you are looking for ways to overcome the bitterness, keep reading to find a few thoughts I am constantly reminding myself.
1. Her gain is not your loss- When she posts a picture of those tiny shoes next to that ultrasound…. or shows off her weekly bump… when she shares the link to her perfectly photographed birthing story… don’t forget this very important thing: Her welcoming that sweet little baby into the world did not take one away from you. There is no shortage of babies in Heaven. It’s ok to be happy for her!
2. Be gracious- This one can be tricky. Let’s just point out that life is hard! It’s hard with kids, it’s hard without… there are enough tough things in the world… don’t be one of them. Show support for others, especially for other women. Be courteous and kind. So what if she parents different from how you plan too! Stop the jealous remarks! The ugly truth is, being bitter will only hurt you.
3. People mean well- People say stupid things. Period. They will try to “console” you, they will try to “uplift” you, and 70% of the time… it will come out insensitive. From the lady who stated “your lucky then” to the jokester who asked if you were “doing it right” when they learned of your situation, people can be careless with words. However, I still believe people mean well. The truth is… people don’t know how to react when infertility is brought up in conversation. Shrug it off. Don’t be too overly sensitive. (Although a little sensitive is ok)
4. There is still plenty of loving to do- Never forget the impact a woman can have in the lives of those she loves. As women we have this innate nurturing ability. It’s part of our nature. We love to care for things and we do it well. Often times infertility can cause an “empty” feeling. Our desire to “love more” feels shunted. It doesn’t have to be that way! There are so many people and children that can still benefit from your love and you can still make a big difference in their lives!
And most importantly…
5. Keep moving forward- The most frustrating part about infertility is how little we are in control. I can think of several cases where “all the stars were aligned”; the follicles were the right size, sperm count was up, uterine lining was good, and still… no baby. It is so easy to get consumed in the hypothetical situations of pregnancy and motherhood. You start to plan your life around a “potential pregnancy”. Month after month you find yourself missing out on opportunities you could have taken “if only you would have known”. Plan your life with what you do know and don’t hold back. Feeling stagnant can be just as frustrating as anything else. Don’t stop living life to it’s fullest! If you plan a trip to Timbuctoo and fall pregnant… Hooray you’ve got a baby! If you plan your trip, and still no baby… at least you have a trip to look forward too! Time will pass no matter what. What you do with it is up to you. Remember to always move forward.
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