Supporting Others Through Trials

To those who are wanting to offer support:

I am finally writing this after it has been on my mind for a very long time. I am sharing it in hopes that it will give good perspective to “supporters” from someone who is personally going through trial.

Few know that Tyler and I have dealt with infertility for a little more than 3 years now. We have been heart broken as our fertility treatments have not brought success or answers. The heartache is very real and very constant. Fortunately and unfortunately every test comes back normal. We are the picture of great health and they have diagnosed us with “unexplained infertility”.

As we have opened up a little more about our struggle, I have noticed a few things about the way people respond to those who are going through trials. I know I can’t speak for more than myself but I would assume most people going through difficult trials could relate.

Rarely can a response  make things better, what makes things better is connection. If somebody opens up to you and shares something personal/painful/difficult, do not help them find the silver lining. Just listen and love. Try to be less sympathetic and more empathetic. I have come up with a short list of things to consider.  

1. An empathetic response rarely starts out with someone saying “At least”. (“At least” statements can also be implied) Do not try to talk someone into feeling better because chances are you won’t be able to. (i.e. "At least you don't have cancer")
2. Do not minimize somebody’s trial by comparing it to someone else's. For example, if I tell you I’ve had a cold for a week, don’t tell me about your cousin that had one for two years. It does no good to compare.
3. Do not suggest reasons a person might be going through a certain trial. Whether you are suggesting a medical diagnosis (this is a BIG one- save it for the medically trained professionals) or suggesting “life lessons” that need to be learned first, this type of response can cause more damage than good.
4. Do not ignore it. If you know someone is struggling reach out to them. Check in with them. It is extremely difficult to reach out to others for support when you are in the midst of trial. Be there for others. Even if it means sending a text. "Hey, I'm thinking about you. I don't really know what needs to be said. I'm just glad you have opened up to me about this trial"

I hope this does not discourage anyone from wanting to show love and support to those who are struggling. Instead I hope this can allow others to feel a little more aware and sensitive when responding to delicate situations. For all the times I have been hot and bothered by somebody's inconsiderate/inappropriate response, I have equally been impressed with those that have reacted with such love and understanding.

If you or someone you know could benefit from this please share. Always feel free to comment or reach out if you ever need a friend! (For ideas of supporting those with infertility click here.)