In our journey of infertility I have noticed, like most things, some days are better than others. Unfortunately Holidays are some of the trickiest times to get through. I think it’s because some of the best parts of the holidays revolve around family…or maybe it’s because of all the childhood traditions that you can’t wait to experience with your own kids. All I know is no matter how many people you surround yourself with during the busy holiday season, you can still feel incredibly alone. Somehow, Christmas is always the hardest.
As I’ve thought about this I have often felt guilty for feeling this way. After all, this is the Season for giving! A time to remember our Savior, a time to share the peace and joy with others! And yet, I can’t help but feel saddened by the emptiness that fills my heart.
As I sit and contemplate the Savior's birth, my heart is filled with love for Mary and her courage. I have always admired her and feel so inspired when they highlight what she must have been like. I try to imagine what things might have been like for her. How scared she must have felt to have such a great responsibility resting on her delicate shoulders. I wonder about her own insecurities she might have had. I try to comprehend how much it must have hurt her as a follower of Christ but even more so, as a mother, to see what all her son had to go through in His life. I contemplate these things and as I try to relate to her, at least on some level. I often find myself discouraged at the fact that I indeed have never carried a child. I have never given birth to a precious little babe. I have never had the experience of holding my little, brand new child, up against my chest as they fell asleep. I have never felt the fear or insecurities I’m sure all new moms must feel. And although I have not experienced these things, I can only imagine them for now. I know there are many other experiences I get to grow from at this time.
As I have listened to other women (experiencing infertility) talk about the frustrations and sadness that come with the holidays I can’t help but relate. I wish I could reach out and hug each one of them and say “we’re in this together”. I wish there was an easy way to block out the hurt, even just for the holidays. But, one thing I do know for sure; that precious little baby who was born so long ago, is our dear, sweet Savior and Redeemer. He is our Lord of Lords and our Prince of Peace. He is the only one that can truly understand our pains and sorrows because He felt them too. He loves us unconditionally regardless of our shortcomings. He knows our thoughts and desires. We can turn to Him when other sources cease to make us whole. I love that Savior. MY Savior. And I feel honored to be loved by him.
- May your Holidays be full of love and gratitude #Lighttheworld
Post a Comment