Resistance, Change and Growth

I have big plans to change the world!

I have always had plans to change the world.

The only thing is... I don't know exactly what that means yet.

I often feel stunted because my life doesn't fit the mold I thought it would. Sometimes anxiety gets the best of me and I am paralyzed by fear, unable to make a decision, worried I might take a wrong turn and mess everything up.


I often strive to move forward with big ideas but sense resistance. It's easier to lay low and admire others living out their dreams.

I spiral into self sabatoging thoughts of, "who do I think I am?" and then spend endless hours scrolling through social media. I have found that opening my news feed has become second nature to me as a way to combat discomfort. However, the very act I habitually lean on to calm my anxiety is also the source of my insecurities.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to lose yourself while binge watching your favorite show or while scrolling through social media? It's not difficult to do because there is usually no resistance in doing so.

I wondered why I was having such a hard time putting forth effort where I knew it would matter yet, I had no problem wasting away indulging in pointless activities. Around the same time I discovered that it is during my most vulnerable times that my need to connect online dramatically increases.

Then, these words spilled into my mind...

Suddenly it made sense. The pattern was clear. The times I felt overwhelmed and fearful were the times I was striving to better myself and my situation. I started to view resistance in a new light. It's not there to destroy us, it's there to remind us to fight. It's there to remind us we are not numb but very much alive. It's there to remind us that we are meant to feel the weight of the world in it's entirety- because with that weight, comes indescribable beauty and grace and it's impossible to feel one without the other.

It is my hope that one day I can laugh at the days to come. I pray that I will stand with bravery and dignity as I travel down the unknown path.

I will continue striving to do hard things. I will take resistance as a compliment and know that I'm alive.