A Time of Healing

Somewhere in the last year I hit a breaking point. Okay, maybe I hit a few. I felt so miserable everyday. I had been working in healthcare because I mistakenly thought it was the ONLY career path where you could really help people and make a difference. It was the only career field I had truly explored and it felt like a safe bet. I was angry with myself for never taking the opportunity to discover my natural talents and abilities. I felt energy and inspiration from so many other things that were not related to medicine and my job seemed to be draining me from that. I felt stuck.


I wanted to stay in Healthcare because I was told I was "good with patients" but I like to think I'm good with people- whether they are patients or not. I started to realize that my favorite parts of the job really had nothing to do with my job and the "tedious tasks" were actually what I was paid to do. I started to lose patience in the work place. I would get stomachaches before work and cry when I got home. I wasn't meant for THIS. There was more to life for me! I needed more flexibility and more creativity! I knew I needed a change. I needed to take control. Before I knew it I was enrolled back in school for something I had never really considered before. Social Media Marketing. I panicked that I was making a huge mistake. While discussing this change with those close to me, someone said, "go where the energy is." I felt excited and energized by this new path and suffocated by my old one. I took the advice and dove in.

Over the years that I have worked in healthcare I've witnessed the passing of those who have lived long and full lives and the death of an infant that could fight no more. I've held their loved ones as they've cried. I've watched the miraculous and sacred event of a baby coming into the world. I've cared for children whose hospital rooms are full of family, love, and support. I've rocked babies to sleep who seem to have no one else around to do so. I've cried with sobbing mothers who are asked to put their trust in God's hands. I've laughed over so many good stories and have gained inspiration and appreciation for each journey shared. I've delivered the exciting news to new expecting mothers and I've cried with those who feel that hope is lost. I have learned to love better and understand more and for that I am forever grateful.

Through the past several months I have felt the need for a change of pace. For the last year I've been working at an OBGYN clinic (my once dream job) and the environment was an interesting one for my current heart. Dealing with infertility and working with OB's often created conflict in my soul. I'm sure many can imagine what was hard about it but the truth is, being around healthy mothers-to-be was actually joyful. Most of the time it filled a void. I adored talking with patients about their nursery plans and baby names. It was thrilling to see ultrasounds and pictures. I loved meeting their little ones after delivery.

I think the hard parts were the infertility consults. Looking at a woman and wanting to say, "you don't know this but I've sat where you sit now and I pray your journey is a short one." And in the case of miscarriage my heart would ache. Seeing women upset with their pregnancy was sometimes difficult to swallow.

On occasion, I would return to work right after an appointment with our Fertility Specialist. My patients never knew what my heart had been through just hours before. I felt rushed in working through my emotions. My world felt like it was spiraling and I couldn't catch my breath. School, work, school, again. I repeatedly found myself saying, "I just need a minute." After months of agonizing I told Tyler I needed a "sabbatical" (It sounded better then asking to be a "stay at home wife") With a little convincing he agreed that I could take some time off with the understanding that it would be short term and I would need to have a full time income by spring.

These next few months are going to be months of growth! I am so excited to find my footing again and discover what I'm meant to do! I plan on my free time to be productive. I plan to write more, pray more, and think more. I will still work just two days a month for now but I feel like I'm in the best chapter of a really good page turner and I just cant wait to see whats next! I often refer to this as my time for healing and that is exactly what I plan to do.

(I love to hear from you! Please comment below if you have any suggestions of books I should read, podcasts I should listen to or activities I should try during my "sabaticle")