CONFESSION: I saw a lady in the airport bathroom franticly look for a changing table she could use. The bathroom was crowded and another mom had already claimed her territory for the time being so, the mom stood her daughter in front of her and changed that kid standing up... I was glad I wasn't her.
CONFESSION: I feel terrible for even thinking that and I worry it means I don't actually want kids.
Honestly, I often worry that waiting so long for kids is making us less tolerant and more lazy. There are some major perks to the childless life. For example, on our last trip, we walked on the plane with just one backpack each and no checked bags! When we got home, I slept for more than 10 hours straight! It's been 2 days and we haven't unpacked because we haven't needed to! If we wanted, we could go two full weeks without doing laundry! Most nights when we get home from work, we watch hours of TV. We could technically sleep in everyday if we wanted.
What if we've gotten so used to our "way of life" that we struggle changing it? I read an article the other day written by a mom. She was sharing tips and tricks on how to occupy your child without using electronics... Tyler and I ONLY use electronics to "occupy" our time! We rarely eat vegetables and we occasionally do chores. What if we are training to be TERRIBLE parents!?
CONFESSION: This is a REAL fear of mine!
To be honest, it's easy to break away from the traditions we hope to have once we have children. We have no one holding us accountable. If we eat dinner in front of the TV, oh well. If we make cookies every night, oh well. We tell ourselves it's not affecting anyone but us... but what if that's not necessarily true?
I guess at this point I have a few options. I can waste time driving myself into a worry hole with self deprecating thoughts, I could make a list of all the things we “should” be doing but again, eventually feel overwhelmed and upset, or I can find gratitude for the time and season of life we're in.
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1
Infertility stinks. But it seems like parenting does too sometimes. Maybe there's good and bad in all seasons of life and the trick is to stop fixating on the negatives! Today I'm going to enjoy our Netflix binge of The Office as we cuddle uninterrupted on the couch! I'm going to have cookies after dinner and go to bed early! Tonight I'm going to sleep all night and in the morning, I'm going to feel a little more grateful for this weird time of life!
PS I'm also going to add a few more veggies in there and monitor the binge watching a little better! You know... to try and be a better parent down the road!
I completely understand. And believe me, you are not alone. Though it has been many years, I felt that way often. I know it's a reason my some family members have chosen not to pursue adoption, or continue with infertility treatments. When we went through infertility treatments, it was right for us. When we adopted, it was right for us. Infertility sometimes stinks, having children sometimes stinks, being childless sometimes stinks. When the time is right, I promise you will know what to do.
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