We pulled into the driveway, parked the car, and walked into the house. I kicked off my heels and dropped by bag by the door. I was ranting about a comment that had been made at church while Tyler loosened his tie. “It just makes me so mad… I know it has everything to do with my attitude but for the first time in my life I just don’t feel like being there.” The words hurt my heart as they left my mouth. I only kind of meant them.
I threw myself on the couch and pulled out my phone. Facebook, email, instagram… I ran threw my brainless and habitual routine. After a few minutes of aimless scrolling I saw a new message request. It was from someone I had never met! It started with, “Your recent blog post really struck me...” This sweet sister from the infertility world continued on with the sweetest message! She shared with me that she had felt strength from the words I had shared about God’s love just a few weeks earlier. I instantly felt terrible for my feelings of frustration. How could I forget so quickly about the peace that had carried me so recently?
I felt ashamed for my ingratitude. I worried that maybe my character wasn’t as congruent as I thought. Maybe I wasn’t truly being honest about my journey. I felt saddened by these thoughts but almost immediately after, I felt like I needed to share this exact experience. I think it’s the perfect illustration of the spiritual ups and downs we all face. I don’t know how often I talk about the “downs” in their present state. But I think it’s important because more often than not, people are wondering if they are “ok” for feeling down in that area. I believe we all go through our own roller coaster of spirituality and sometimes it’s easier to feel one extreme over the other.
As I thought back to that kind message from a sweet stranger and related it to the feelings I was currently experiencing, the words of a dear friend came into my mind. “Sometimes we get to be the light for others and other times, we need to rely on others to be the light for us.” What a perfect reminder of how much we need each other in our lives! I am so grateful for those that have been a light when I’ve needed it and hope I can continue to shed light for others. Thanks to all those who have joined us on this journey of life so far!
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