I have been thinking a lot about pain and how it relates to anger. Often times I feel angry about our journey with infertility. I'm angry for so many reasons. Angry at my body for not functioning properly. Angry that it costs so much to seek help. Angry that having babies seems to come so easy for others. Angry that people don't talk about it. Angry that I can feel so alone. Angry that people are moving forward and I feel so stunted. (That's a lot of anger... and that's not even the half of it.)
Here's the scary thing about anger though. When you suppress it and try to avoid feeling it, it can go one of two ways. 1. It can lash out and hurt others or 2. it can turn inward and slowly poison you. Anger can be completely toxic. It can make you depressed and feel worthless.
Feeling angry does not make you a mean/bad person. (Lashing out at people might) We have to stop labeling our feelings as right or wrong. We can't let ourselves believe we are anything less than what we are because we feel mad/sad/lonely. (Just like we are not weak because we feel pain.) We are human. We feel those emotions for a reason.
Anger can be our "friend" when it comes to healing. Anger, like pain, can be a survival mechanism. It can be that first line of warning that says "I'm not OK with this". Anger can motivate us to make a change. Although it can be unpleasant and inconvenient I am learning it is important to work through it.
I wish I had a "magic formula" that could remove anger. I don't. Instead I can offer you this: If you are feeling angry/mad/sad that's OK. You are aloud to feel that way. You do not need to feel guilty or ashamed. I think once we can embrace our emotions, it is then we can overcome them.
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