If it's gonna stick, it's gonna stick

Recently I was talking to a friend who struggled with infertility for a long time before they finally adopted their two adorable boys. I was explaining to her how worried I get over every little thing when we do infertility procedures. I worry that I need to get every detail "just right." I worry about taking the medications at the right time of day. I worry about injecting the entire syringe with not a drop to spare. I constantly worry that if I don't do THE VERY BEST I can do, it won't work. And in the past, when it hasn't worked, I have beat myself up thinking illogical thoughts like, "Did I walk to fast after the procedure? Is that why it didn't take? Was it because I had moments of doubt? Did my attitude cause this?"


We talked about how hurtful it is when people suggest the reason behind infertility is stress. The idea that if we could only learn to "calm down" it would happen over night. (Never mind all the testing and medications and timing...) When I hear phrases like that, it's as if someone is placing all the blame of infertility on me and my inadequacies as a person. As if the only thing standing between us and growing a family was a simple switch I needed to flip in my brain. That exact idea is what drove an ugly cycle of self hate in my heart for so long.

This idea that stress is the reason women can't get pregnant always makes me think about brave refugee women fleeing for their lives... some how they get pregnant. I think about women in abusive relationships... sometimes they get pregnant. I think about all the stress in the history of humanity and how through all that... people still got pregnant.- My life stresses are nothing compared to those.

As I continued to talk with my friend, we exchanged stories of people we knew who got pregnant in the most non ideal circumstances. We both knew of women who got pregnant while on birth control. We knew of women who got pregnant while on double birth control. Together we connected over these ironic and almost (almost) humorous situations.

It was then my sweet friend said something I will never forget. She said, "If there is anything I have learned during our time dealing with infertility it's that: If it's gonna stick, it's gonna stick." If we are doing the best we can, nothing we do (or don't do) will effect things from happening. That is the fortunate and unfortunate part about life. We are NOT in control.

This phrase actually brought me an overwhelming feeling of comfort. Things did not "not work out" because of my human faults. I'm not actually in control here, God is. I will trust in His timing and continue to do things the very best way I know how.

I share this for all my sisters out there who are trying to conceive. If you have ever felt caught in the ugly snare of blaming and guilt, know that it is not your fault. Do not allow those thoughts to take you into that deep and dark place. You are not alone in this journey. You are not the reason why things are the way they are. There is a bigger picture we are all apart of. Keep going, keep trying, don't give up!